Tango Bango

Taylor Swift: The Ultimate Feminist

meganmmalone:

About once a week I try to post something on my Tumblr other than a cute picture of a puppy or quote from some NBC comedy. Tonight I’m going to write about Taylor Swift. If you know me at all you know that I am obsessed with her. I’m not embarrassed to admit that I have all of her CDs, a poster of her in my room, and have had floor seat tickets to two of her concerts…

I like Taylor because she’s a little awkward and weird but she’s sweet and passionate and she works hard and that’s why she is so successful. I don’t think she has the best vocals in the world (in fact there are plenty of musicians I can think of off the top of my head that sing better than she does). I wouldn’t say she’s the best songwriter, guitarist, or anything else. But she is a good person and a great role model and even though Gaga and Rihanna might have better voices I can’t say the same about them.

I recently read this article that states Taylor is anti-feminist because she represents the conservative, innocent woman that all women should strive to be like. But what exactly is it that makes someone a feminist? Do they have to wear a meat dress to an awards show? Do they have to sing about having sex in the air? Can’t a feminist just be a normal girl that has achieved success just by being a normal girl? I would consider myself to be a feminist. The word has negative connotations but really it just means someone who believes that women and men should be treated as equals. Taylor is only the second woman to win the CMA Entertainer of the Year Award twice, although several men have won it more than once. She has beat out legends in the music industry and won over 90 awards. This isn’t because of her voice or her perfectly curly blonde hair, it’s because of her passion and dedication to what she does. She is inspiring, not just to young girls, but to anyone who has dreams and hopes of achieving them.

Maybe wearing sweaters instead of swim suits in a music video is “conservative.” But it’s who she is. Gaga dresses up in a costume every time she makes a public appearance. I like Lady Gaga’s music all right, but I don’t have any idea who she really is as a person. Taylor makes it clear who she is and she’s not at all afraid to be herself. That’s why she is so popular, and that’s why, in my opinion, she is the ultimate feminist.

Sorry, but you don’t become feminist just because you’re a woman who has made great achievements.  Even Lady Gaga herself doesn’t identify as feminist, so I’m not sure why you’re making so many Gaga comparisons.  It also seems that while you understand the definition of feminism (believing in equality for all genders) that you don’t fully understand the nuances of the feminist viewpoints.

Taylor Swift isn’t anti-feminist because she’s conservative.  She is anti-feminist because of her song lyrics that reinforce stereotypes about how “good girls” should be.  She is anti-feminist because her songs portray her as a young girl who isn’t whole until she gets that man that she ‘needs’.  She’s anti-feminist because of how one-dimensional her lyrics are.  She’s anti-feminist because her lyrics use internalized sexism to put down other girls who are stealing men away from her.  She’s anti-feminist because she sees the concept of virginity as “all you have” and when you give it away to “a boy” you are left with nothing.  That’s not feminism.

Taylor Swift’s privilege is a big part of why she became successful - her parents’ money enabled her to have all the opportunities in life she had.  She is the epitome of privilege: white, beautiful by societal ideals, slender, well off financially, able bodied, heterosexual (for what we know). She is not a feminist icon simply because she’s a woman who made it big in show business.

In-fighting

Tumblr = the place where feminists spend more time and energy fighting with each other than actually trying to make a difference.

I follow you all because I want to hear the intelligent insight you have on the issues at hand, not to listen to you nitpick each other’s terminologies and accuse each other of not being feminist enough.  It’s getting old!

Becoming a feminist doula

Over the past couple of years I have been a lot more inspired to participate in the feminist community, both through starting this blog and The Border House, and wanting to volunteer to help women.  5 years ago, I was in a rigorous nursing school program with the intention of becoming a Certified Nurse-Midwife.  I love babies and the idea of helping bring new life into the world and assisting women during one of the most trying times of their lives was so appealing to me.  I ended up leaving nursing school and moving to San Diego to work on video games for a living and gave up those aspirations in exchange for working on my hobby.  I also wasn’t thrilled about having to go through all basic nursing training in order to deliver babies. 

Fast forward to now.  I’ve found out that you can become a Licensed Midwife in California by going to a 3 year program that costs around $10,000.  You can deliver babies and make your life all about supporting women and families.  And I don’t have to jump right into it…for $450 I can participate in an online course from Childbirth International that will certify me as a doula.  A doula doesn’t physically deliver the baby, but assists the mothers by giving them massages, relaxing them, talking to them throughout the birth process, and helping them after their newborn is born with lactation and feeding, caring for their new baby, and balancing their changed lives.  I can be a doula on a volunteer basis for organizations, or I could start my own side business.

The idea of becoming a doula and eventually a midwife is that I feel that I can really change lives and bring a unique perspective.  I know that I would want to specialize in a more radical doula approach, focusing on natural home births and experiences for non-traditional families.  I would love to help gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender families bring their new children into the world without judgement.  I would like to volunteer to offer doula and midwife services to low-income families. I would like to offer full-spectrum care, including providing doula services to women going through abortions and adoption processes.  

Working on video games is incredibly fun and can be rewarding, but at the end of the day it doesn’t make me feel satisfied.  For some reason, I’ve been wanting more.  I want to make a real impact and be important to people on an individual level.  When I was a nursing assistant in a Women’s Oncology unit at a hospital, my favorite part of the job was sitting and talking to the patients, getting to know them, and helping them out emotionally.  I was told time and time again that I am reassuring to be around, and that I will make a good nurse.  I don’t regret leaving my nursing program, but I do sometimes regret getting out of the business of helping people directly.  That was rewarding and amazing work that made me feel whole.  Exhausted, but whole.

I’ve signed up for the course and I am beginning my journey.  I am still deciding if I want to update about this here or on another blog.  We’ll see… :)

Trigger Warnings(TW: victim blaming, lack of comprehension about PTSD)

thefremen:

egalitarianforequality:

thefremen:

egalitarianforequality:

thefremen:

egalitarianforequality:

I have no problem with people posting trigger warnings if that’s something that they really want to dedicate their time to doing, but I’m sick and tired of being called an asshole for refusing to post them. Here’s why.

Trigger warnings imply that someone will read it who might be so “triggered” that it causes them to have some sort of mental breakdown. This is really problematic to me.

If simply looking at a text post or a photo causes you to be that mentally disturbed, then you need to keep yourself in a neutral and safe environment. The internet is not a neutral and safe environment. Regardless of how badly you think it should be a neutral and safe environment, it will never be one. Anyone from all over the world can post anything they want. It is a public forum, and when you add anonymity to that, you can expect the content to become more taboo and therefore “triggering”. You cannot safely expect everyone on the internet to be sensitive to the fact that you get easily offended. It’s simply an impossible request to make. 

Being triggered is no one’s fault but your own. If you are triggered by content that is posted often, debated about often, or anything else, then you need to stay off the internet for your own good. You are the only one who can help yourself, you are the only one who can control your triggers. If it is so important to you to have a trigger warning before every single thing posted that could possibly be offensive to someone, then the internet is not a place where you should be spending the majority of your time. It’s not difficult.

Here’s the difference between me being easily offended and me being triggered: When I’m offended, I’m upset, and I may say “how rude!” when I’m triggered, I’m reliving my rape or various abuse I have gone through. It isn’t pleasant. When I say relive, that means that sometimes I can recall EVERYTHING and I feel like I’m there again. Or I think it’s happening again. Before I had made as much progress as I have today, I would go days or even weeks of self-blame and self-hatred, missing sleep because I was worried my attacker would come again. 

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that PTSD is more the fault of the people/whatever that caused the trauma which resulted in PTSD than the person who has it. 

Feel free to not have trigger warnings on your blog. Everyone knows you have no intention whatsoever to make a safe space for survivors, you made that pretty clear with all the victim blaming you brought up when you started it. Just don’t fucking minimize survivors of rape and other traumas by calling being triggered “offended”. We are allowed to make our blogs safe spaces for other survivors who actually have some idea of what it means to be triggered unlike your ignorant privileged ass. If you wanted to educate yourself about what it’s like to live with PTSD and how those of us with triggers actually survive and cope with “the real world” here’s a book: http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Get-Over-Aphrodite-Matsakis/dp/157224058X and the fact of the matter is content warnings or trigger warnings aren’t just there so we can totally ignore the content, it’s so that we can be aware of it, and if we’re already in a bad state skip over it, or at least be ready for it. 

You obviously have missed the entire point of my post, as you’re arguing a point that I didn’t even make.

All I said was that I’m sick of everyone trying to maintain that trigger warnings and internet content being censored is something that is vitally important. If you are triggered by something, regardless of whether or not you have PTSD, why would you go on the internet, a place that is 99% uncensored and where you are very likely to run into content that triggers you? I know from personal experience that with mental illness, you don’t get better by constantly putting yourself in an emotionally vulnerable state. If something offends you or triggers you so badly, then you need to seek help from people you trust and stay in a place that is safe until you are not emotionally vulnerable anymore. Don’t leave it up to the rest of the world to censor itself so that you feel comfortable in it, because that will never happen. You are responsible for taking care of yourself and your own mental disabilities, not strangers on the internet who just want to post freely.

I also don’t understand how it is possible for anyone to experience a mental breakdown because someone “does not comprehend PTSD”. I mean, come on. Really? I don’t have a breakdown every time someone misdiagnoses himself as depressed, simply because I’m depressed myself.

You have to have PTSD to be triggered. That’s what it fucking means. You’re conflating “being offended” with “being triggered”. The real world has lots of triggers and nobody can just go into a cave until all their triggers are overcome because the fact of the matter is that some triggers cannot be overcome. There are WW2 vets who went to their death beds in their 80s, still being triggered by fireworks every 4th of July. 

It can be triggering to people who have been through major trauma to have that trauma belittled by someone. Again, I’m not asking you to censor yourself. I don’t follow you and I would never follow you because I have read more than enough of your victim blaming misandry to know that your blog is not a safe space. What I’m trying to do is educate you as to why I use trigger warnings for content in order to provide a safe space for my followers. The same is true of offline as well, space cadet. The world is full of potentially triggering things, from street harassers to people who make rape jokes to your face, which is why people create community and establish places that can be safe spaces. 

So here’s the thing. You have depression. You don’t have PTSD as well that links into your depression, so you may get upset or angry when someone tells you that you don’t have depression, you just need to smile more and think positive thoughts or go on medication, but someone who has depression who also has abuse related to someone denying that they have depression could have that denial or misdiagnosis as a trigger. 

So here’s the thing, I don’t tell you that you just need vitamins and exercise and you’ll feel just fine, right? So why do you tell me that I need to stay off the internet and I’m not allowed to use trigger warnings or only follow blogs that do likewise? Why the hell can’t you respect other people’s methods for coping with their mental illness? Just, you know, don’t be so silly as to claim to respect the needs of people with PTSD while refusing to use trigger warnings, that would be like Tom Cruise claiming that he respects the needs of people with Bi Polar Disorder, Depression, well pretty much any mental illness. 

This is the last time that I’m going to explain this, because you keep straw-manning like crazy and it’s nearly impossible to argue with you.

Do whatever you want. If you only follow blogs that put trigger warnings, fine by me. I’m talking about the internet as a whole, not just tumblr, since I’m pretty sure that tumblr isn’t the only website that people with PTSD use.

Also, with your point that you can’t get triggered unless you have PTSD: try telling that to every single social justice advocate who insists that pictures of holes and spiders trigger them. 

Obviously going on the internet is not a good way to cope with a mental illness, because all I hear is talk about “awful douchefucks” who don’t use trigger warnings when answering posts causing mental breakdowns in individuals who do get triggered.

You still have not argued my point. You’ve argued my tone, you’ve given a few unoriginal ad hominem attacks, but you have found nothing to say to rebut my actual argument.

Here’s an example. Whenever I see a picture of a spider, I start hyperventilating and crying. I can’t look at a picture of a spider, I simply cannot. But is it legitimate for me to expect every single picture of a spider that I come across on the internet to come with a trigger warning beforehand? Of course not. It’s not because the “world doesn’t respect my needs as a person”. 

And by all means, use some parts of the internet as a safe space. But do not come online and expect every person you come across to refrain from posting things that you personally are triggered by. Like I said before, when it comes down to it, you are the only one who can help yourself with your own mental disorder. Though you may have outside support, if you are going to put yourself in a situation where unfiltered, uncensored content is readily available and is readily shown to you, then you cannot logically expect that content to not offend or trigger you. Simple as that.

I am tired of being called an insensitive douchefuck because I don’t put a trigger warning on the things I post. I am not here to create a safe space for every single person in the world. I am here to challenge convention, argue common opinion, and submit my own ideas to the melting pot, just like thousands of others who use tumblr and the internet in general. Not everyone is going to make it a priority not to offend or trigger you. You need to accept that. The world does not exist to keep you safe and happy in your little cocoon of “anti-triggers”. You are responsible for yourself, and if you are going to put yourself into a situation where you’re most likely going to be triggered, then you cannot get angry at the person who created that situation in the first place. That is the point I have been trying to make.

I did not say that you aren’t allowed to be triggered. I did not say that PTSD is an illegitimate condition. I did not say that being triggered and offended are the same thing. I have made my point, and unless you’re going to argue my point instead of my tone and personality, then I’m finished talking to you. Good day.

EXCEPT THAT YOU DID SAY THAT. It isn’t straw manning, it’s in your original fucking post and it’s pretty much the only reason I felt a need to engage with you. Can’t read in the original post? OK, here it is:

You cannot safely expect everyone on the internet to be sensitive to the fact that you get easily offended.

You equated being offended with being triggered. You use the terms interchangeably. And YES it is possible to associate spiders with a traumatic incident. it’s possible to associate A LOT OF STUFF with a traumatic incident. 

Um, also - what about people who aren’t having a literal ‘mental breakdown’, but just can become emotional due to the content?  It takes me one goddamn second to write a trigger warning that might save someone from reliving or feeling emotions they’re not comfortable with feeling.  You act as if it’s a freaking chore to put trigger warnings on things.  It’s just called being empathetic to other people.

(Source: )

mattallred:

I’m reading a feminist music blog and wow

just wow

i really don’t like people

implying that everything any band does is about how they’re secretly gay or how they’re probably gay because of how musicians act and one person commented about how they don’t like lofi indie music because the whole scene was middle class white straight males and they were privileged and it was not right or something. and everything has to be about how women are better and Bon Iver and Fleet Foxes suck because of their “white boy croonery” whatever that even means like, I could care less about Bon Iver really but like, that’s the stupidest reason I’ve ever heard for not liking a band.

She didn’t like another guy because he looked like a model and and does something to get sympathy from women and “is probably a jerk”

honestly feminism is just the stupidest thing and I’m all for women being treated equally, but to say that women should be treated as more important is stupid.  Just like saying someone who’s gay should be treated as more important, as some gay people seem to think, along with any other minority because they just say that you’re against them if you do anything negative and I’m sorry but I’m not going to treat you better than anyone else just because you’re a minority.  

Seeking equality and justice doesn’t mean making yourself more important.  Conforming to social norms doesn’t make you a pig.  Being different doesn’t make you special.  

You’re probably all thinking that I’m just saying this because I’m a straight white male, but no, I’m saying this because I’m a sensible human being who knows what the world equality means and I want to treat everyone equally and I have plenty of friends who are “minorities” but they’re not going to get treated differently because of it.

oh man now she’s getting into how bon iver is just more typical rock which is white man masculinity and how james blake is his british counterpart and SHUT UP

literally she brings race into every single thing

Are you kidding me?  Why is it that you think that feminism is about women being MORE important than men?  

The little things.

It’s the little things in life that are so important.

Last night I helped an older man in CVS with makeup. He told me that he wanted to start experimenting with wearing makeup, and didn’t understand the difference between a foundation and a concealer. He was so appreciative that I helped him.

I don’t know how he knew that I was an ally.  My heart aches when I imagine him asking someone who would judge him for it, someone who would shy away from the thought of a black man putting on women’s makeup.  But to me, it was a beautiful moment. I helped someone with their self discovery and experimentation, and I hope I was able to make a difference for him. 

A feminist among non-feminists

So I spent the weekend camping with horsewomen from my ranch. We brought our horses and did the camping thing.  One night we had a bonfire and were playing silly word games.  One game we played was called “Stupid Appaloosa”, where one person would say a word and the next person would have to say any word that started with the last letter of the previous word. For example - if I say “precious” the next person would have to say something like “salamander”. 

One person’s letter was T, and their word they yelled out was “transvestite”.  This caused everyone around the circle to laugh as if something was super hilarious.  You know, because transvestites are just so funny.  The person could have used transgender or transsexual, but they picked transvestite.  ANOTHER person said “nigger” when N was their letter.  Then she changed it to “I didn’t say nigger, I said negro”.  To which someone else said something about “colored people”.

These are decent people, they’re not bad people.  They just don’t understand the power of words, don’t understand how uncomfortable words can make other people.  I didn’t speak up, but I just moved on and ignored the situation.  I could have made it a moment of education, but some moments are just not right for education and I didn’t want to ruin the fun.  Either way, it made me uncomfortable.

I’m beginning to realize how hard it is to spend time with people who don’t understand feminist concepts and intersectionality.  It’s very hard.  I don’t want to limit the kind of people I hang out with - but it’s very frustrating at times to be the only feminist in certain circles. Blah.

Why The Biggest Loser is a fat-shaming pile of shit

Okay, so HamTunes asked and since I’m too fucking Tumblr dumb I can’t figure out how to reply to him.  So I’ll do it here.

Oh, the reasons.

1. The entire show is built upon the concept that fat = bad.  If you’re not familiar with fat acceptance/Health At Every Size, you should be.  
2. The show handpicks not just fat people, but fat people who have low self esteems and who are unhealthy outside of their weight.  This builds up the stereotype that fat people = unhappy and fat people = unhealthy.  There is never a well-adjusted fat person on the show.
3. The show constantly is harping on the idea that “your new life is starting” or “this is the new you”, or “now you can really start to live”.   In other words, everything you did up until you started losing weight meant nothing.  Your entire background and experiences that made you what you are - those are now erased.  Skinny is your new identity and your new life, and everything else sheds off with the pounds.
4. It promotes that idea that “simply dieting and exercising will help you lose weight and keep it off”.  Neverminding the fact that dieting actually doesn’t fucking work for 90% of people who diet.  
5. It puts people in an over-rigorous weight loss regime that is unpractical and unrealistic.  20 pounds a week?  Sure they’re supervised….but none of that helps to shine a light on the fact that losing weight (and keeping it off) is really. fucking. hard.
6. The show mistreats and shames its contestants.  Read some of what former contestant Kai Hibbard had to say.
7. The show blames health problems on fat, instead of blaming health problems on poor health or hereditary issues that are out of the contestant’s control.  Hereditary diseases like heart disease and diabetes get blamed on being overweight.  Person has A and is B, therefore B must have caused A.
8. The show treats its contestants like their fat bodies are disgusting and not to be loved. 
9. Nobody talks about how a fat person who is unhealthy is actually better off than a skinny person who is unhealthy. Skinny = all good as far as TBL is concerned.

This article really does a better takedown than I’ve done, in more words.

The 12 contestants are introduced to viewers via voice-overs where they speak of their self-hatred and unhappiness, which they attribute solely to their weight. All make references to having unhealthful lifestyles. This sets up a show based on a fat-phobic premise: these contestants, and by extension all fat people, are gluttonous, slothful, unable to help themselves without external intervention, and are therefore deserving of the treatment they are about to receive. There’s a “stacking the jury” feel to the casting of contestants; there’s not one healthful, happy, well-adjusted fat person in the group to challenge the premise. The producers filled the cast with people who admit to having sedentary lifestyles, issues with food, low self-esteem, and a poor relationship with their bodies. The contestants’ sizes are arguably irrelevant—there are people of all sizes living unhealthful, self-hating lifestyles—but having fat contestants, against the backdrop of a national “War on Obesity,” gives the producers permission to abuse and shame the contestants under the guise of saving them.

Yep, all that.

The Biggest Loser’s premise is the same shopworn idea that fat is bad, and bullying fat people under the guise of saving them is appropriate. By shifting from sedentary binge eaters into over-exercising dieters, contestants are transformed from fat people with one set of impairments in their relationship to food and their bodies into thinner people with a different set of socially rewarded impairments. Through their repeatedly expressed gratitude for this change, the contestants not only participate in their own oppression, but also affirm it. By extension, the fat viewer is encouraged to follow suit. Disturbingly, NBC reports that hundreds of thousands of people have auditioned for the chance to be part of season two, and, as of this writing, they are also auditioning couples and families who wish to compete together. To us, this highlights the insidiousness of internalized fat phobia, encouraged and produced by the show, which defines subjugation as moral uplift and a privilege. In the end, the biggest loser is the viewer who digests this banquet of misinformation uncritically.

I am so fucking sick…

Of fucked up reality shows with unrealistic expectations of people and health that continue to shame people over and over again.

The Biggest Loser, I’m looking at you.

Bridalplasty, I’m looking at you.

What Not To Wear, I’m looking at you.

Extreme Makeover, I’m looking at you.

Millionaire Matchmaker, I’m looking at you.

Basically every fucking show on television makes a game out of shaming people for their bodies.  It’s sickening.